The world of what revolves around me, what happens around me.
No...I just have too many thoughts to share with you that if I don't let them out, my head will explode. And we don't want brain guts splattered all over on the computer screen now, do we?!
Stay up-to-date in my World!
How's everyone doing today? Y'all doin' alright? I hope so!! Great news!! I've just uploaded my Twilight Fanfiction on Wattpad. I'm 4 chapters in, and it doesn't even stop there xD. Along time ago, well I'd say 11 years ago, I wrote my first fanfic, which back in it's days I had named it 'The Sacrifices and Dark Nights of Rose'. Long ass title, I know, but I was like what...13 years old?! Lol! Its when I had gotten introduced to Twilight really, thanks to a friend. Today, though, its been changed to Red Butterfly. In it's entirety, the Butterfly Series will be a 2-part book. The only thing that will be similar to Twilight is the concept of Vampires and Werewolves. The rest, like the personality of characters, the storyline, scenery, will be different.
And yes, because I had written at such a young age, my grammar sucked, and there was too much of unwanted dialogue. But now its been overly revised, and feel confident enough to share with the World!
The title says it all!! I have a new short story collection coming out soon, and I can't wait till I'm done with the editing process :D. Now I'm not sure if I want to add 3 or 4 short stories. The 4th one is still not even halfway done as I had just started working on it like 3 months ago, and only was able to reach up to chapter 2 -_-. The first 3 will be over the paranormal, supernatural, and sci-fi genres as the 4th one will be an erotica ;D. I'm just trying to widen my horizon in the writing world to see how far I can go with things. Of course, all 4 have romance in them as I am a big fan on the big ol' romance. And I know most of the gals and lads just love to cozy up to a good romance.
Forbidden Fruits cover - Canva Website (it's been a part of my life lately).
Don't you just love it?! Can't stop marveling at it!
And towards other good things, I'm proud to say about Amazon creating a paperback book option. This SO MUCH HELPS without going from Createspace or LuLu. Like do you understand how much of a less hassle that is?! To me, it is. I don't know about y'all. But I find it a very great option. All your sales, reviews, ranks in one place. What's not to love about it?!
Would y'all believe it's been a year already?! Hoo, Lord!!! So much, too much has happened. But, to start off into the new year, the hubby and I are moving into a very nice apartment at the end of this month, and I already can't wait!! *happy face with sparkling eyes*. He was like, "Anything for my woman." *praising*. #HeAKeeper. And of course, I love my new job - other than blogging!
Hey Blog! I'm back. So much turbulences in these past few months...I'm just glad the worst is behind and in the past, and am in a better situation right now.
Men think women are weak beings, because of all the housework we do, how we study for our degrees, how we work, and make our own money. I mean most people don't think we can handle situations that are bigger than us, especially when we lose everything all at once. I didn't even see it coming myself where I had to put my big girl panties on...
I'm not going to go into all the specific details of what happened in my life. I'd like to keep that part private since I might have too many family members stalk my blog. Anywho...
By the time I had quit my full time job I had gone back to school for the fall semester. So I had to depend on my husband financially. Of course, I didn't go back till I had his full agreement to financially support me, and he agreed. Well, courses changed pretty quick. Before school even started we began to argue over finance. It was hell!! Also, I had a friend from my old school come over from overseas (I had my dad and brother living with my ex-husband and I, so we were pretty much a full house at that time), and I've helped her out till he kicked her out. She depended on me, and he made me kick her out two months later. He even treated her like she was his second wife -_- (that pissed me off beyond end!). I wasn't mad at her. I was mad at him. He had no right to know where she went or who she went out with. And he used to get mad when she'd come home late (and yes she used to work night shifts). Awkward? Yes! Let me remind you, my ex-husband was a full blood Mexican (not that I have anything against Mexicans. I have a couple of Mexican friends who I'm good with).
Since he used to play a lot of PS3 and PS4 (yes, he had two PS systems) he stopped giving me complete attention. So my friend and I would go out, and he'd get mad every time I hung out with her. Sometimes I felt him even get jealous. I would ask him for a couple of bucks to fill the car with some gas, and buy some coffee, and he'd straight up say no. Does it look like I'm fucking thirteen years old for you to even say no you cheap asshole? He was fucking cheap, he'd avoid all my birthdays, all the anniversaries just to not buy me anything while I spent all my part-time and full time of hard work on his ass. At this point, the marriage became pretty cold fast. Even the sex turned into a thing of fucking only. I was pretty hurt by everything, and became fed up with everything that had to do with him. Even after my friend left, our marriage got cold before she even came.
I didn't buy him anything for his last birthday that I spent with him. My brother bought him a new
PS4 tho, Destiny Edition. My brother is an idiot for even getting him something he didn't deserve. And when he found out I wasn't going to buy him anything the first time ever since we've been together he actually got upset, and pissed at me. When he got the present my brother bought him he actually had the nerve to rub it in my face...Dude, you're not ten to be wimping over presents...Get a grip!
So, two months and a half of depending on him, I couldn't handle it anymore. I went and found a part-time job to just fill my gas for college and food to feed myself once I got out between classes since he used to bitch at me all the time. And the fact that he's greedy AND cheap at the same time? LOL! Some men really do show their colors way later on. Or maybe he did earlier, but I was the one too blind to see it in the beginning since I used to love him...
A lot of time had gone by by then. I couldn't keep up with my studies and the job since I was taking four classes at one time. So I had to quit, and began to ask my father for cash to get me going. My father never refused to give me, but he did get very upset at the fact that his ex son-in-law won't give his ex-wife any cash for the day. And I don't even ask for much. $10 And I'm happy with it.
Divorce got brought up many times by then. The last night tho that I spent at where I was secure was the last night ever. And that's when I had to grow the fuck up, and become independent, and not depend on anyone for anything. Not even family helped me. I was on my own after getting kicked out (not going into details there), and then walking away. But just think of how your pride felt thrown out the window as a married woman. You had everything, then you lost everything.
The only thing I had was myself. The only person I could truly trust was myself, and what I had. Now just because I'm a woman, and somehow had something to offer, that wasn't the way I planned on going. My pride as a woman, and confidence might've been shattered, but that is one way I won't degrade myself down to. I had a couple of friends help me out, I mean literally help me out without offering them anything in return except respect and friendship. And that I did, even though I had lost all faith in humanity. I didn't give up hope. And thankfully, I'm still grateful till this day for the help of my friend who I had helped out before. She's seen how troubled I was, felt my pain, felt my loss, and she stood by me as I stood by hers.
That wasn't even the end of it. He wanted my ass back so bad, and there were times where I wanted to just give up, and go back, but with the help of my friends, and the distraction of time they gave me was enough for me to not settle back into the hell I was living in.
It's kinda funny how you know in the end during certain situations who your real family is. I mean literally no one from my real blood family had helped out. They just wanted to know what happened in my life. And that's about it. Even my past friends wanted to know (most of them). They wanted to know my business. Once I was on my feet I wasn't stupid enough like how I used to be to even give them any idea of how happy I was, how glad I was that that piece of shit had kicked me out. Even if I was going through a lot, I was living life, and enjoying every minute of it even till now :). Funny how I used to talk a lot of shit about my own people, but really, they became my friends, although most importantly they became my family.
Right now, how could I NOT be happy to be married to one of my best friends?! Spoils me like crazy, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. He brought my pride back, and made me confident. Even though I am independent, he still teaches me how to be more independent to not depend on him for anything. He's raising me up to the skies rather than pushing me down below him. Is he middle eastern? Totally! Heart as white as an angel's feather? Most fucking definitely! I mean, damn he gives me unannounced massages, and he even colored my toe nails white out of nowhere!! <3. He surprised me with a box of mangoes just the other day. If I'm mad, he will not get mad, but talk to me so calmly as the quiet ocean. I can keep going with the many differences between him and my ex. My ex is not up to his potential, except that that asshole is lower than my husband now on how he treated me. Of course, surprises isn't everything. It's the way he treats me, not just as a wife, but as an actual grown woman. He never gets mad if he comes home to no cooked meal. He'll cook something himself for him and I. And if he sees I'm in need financially, which is rarely, then he'll slip a couple of twenties ;).
Anywho, I don't think it should matter, but, for example, a $1000 ring is a big difference between a $100 ring. Woman, you gotta know your worth through a ring. If a man cheaps out on you, he won't see you worth a diamond.
I lost everything, but then I regained back some and more. And can't be any happier with what I have now.
I don't believe in more than one marriage, but due to the tough circumstances I had been in before, a second marriage would deserve a second chance.
And always remember this ladies: if you're going to get settled down with a guy, make sure to check that his respect for you comes before love. Without respect the marriage will fall apart quicker than you think. Love doesn't solve everything. Respect does.
Ok so, I'm sick of the term saying "A better love story than Twilight"...
What the hell people!!!! It's like romance book of the years. The movies may not have been as good as the books, but the books were really beyond awesome and captivating!
Yes I'll admit my love for Twilight (it has my heart). It's the first book I ever read before getting into reading. And thanks to Twilight, I'm into not just reading but writing too. In fact, my first writing was a fanfic based on Twilight, and as of now I am working on it by heavily editing the work of a 13 year old (lol) and will be publishing it on my website soon (many changes are coming).
I really don't understand why so many people hate it. Writing should be fun and FICTION! Meaning, you can do whatever you want when it comes to writing. Fiction is based on making up worlds and things while you write away, and that's what Stephenie Meyer did! Yeah she may have made sexier vampires, werewolves that you don't form with a bite, she may have changed things of what we're used to reading, and that's the point: she's introduced us to a couple of new things. She made a lot of changes to the vampires and werewolves world and that's called creativity and she's not afraid to change. The world changes every day.
Twilight is a great love story. Aside from the extreme fiction behind it, in between the lines you read there's a great story line with a great romance. Hey, it may be a preppy type of story, and not everything has to be so dark and brooding like all other vampire stories.
Just wanted to let this all off my chest. I am rereading the series (I don't even remember my count of how many times I've read it, lol).
I just finished the last book in the 50 fucked up Shades of Grey triology, and I gotta say damn!!!! I'm in love with the story/series (and I thought I wouldn't). And I am very much in love with tender-hearted Christian Grey (do you exist as handsome as you are in the book?! Show yourself! LOL). I'm fangirling there for a moment.
Having a shitty past does affect the person you become. It's true. And thanks to Mrs. E.L. James on writing this story, it shows us in this version. Really though I feel Christian. He may be this successful CEO (and kinky sexist ;D), but really he's just this type of dude that just doesn't click with overwhelming emotions. He can control a woman in bed, but he can't control himself when it comes to affectionate praise and thinks of himself the worst.
Oh Christian. You have my heart melting and throbbing for you.
Moving on to Anastasia Steele...er....Grey.
I respect Anastasia for the type of woman she is for handling Christian. Seriously, she's this woman who can be controlled but also have control, and I like that in her. Especially her good heart in changing Christian with her innocence (thank GOD she was still a virgin when she met him! Virgin girls - who have less boyfriends - are the best when it comes to books. Something special about them. Grateful I lost mines to my husband at the age of twenty ;p). I loved Anastasia's character.
Although there were some parts I just feel as if everything was being shoved in certain dialogues, still, the book held its ground. And really the book seemed to be more of interesting Christian Grey rather than boring Anastasia Steele...uhm....GREY! >.<. The book was written in her POV (and books that are written from main/leader character are more interesting than switching POV from second to third), but it was always about Christian since they were always together. You know if she's at the office, she's thinking about him/emailing him. If she's in her room, she's thinking about him. When they're at dinner, he's touching her/teasing her/playing with her (whatever), and really just describes what's going on in a moment while with him.
Christian's character has grew in the book and improved as well as Anastasia. Christian went from controlling and I-know-what-the-fuck-I'm-doing-all-the-time to I'm-crazy-falling-in-love-with-you-and-I'm-scared-about-these-different-emotions-I've-never-felt-with-anyone-before. Yet he, in the end, accepted who he is, his past and present as well as his future with nothing but love and passion in his heart <3. Anastasia went from o-m-g-I'm-a-virgin-and-I'm-shy-I've-never-done-these-things-before to ok-get-the-niche-your-boyfriend/husband-is-the-CEO-of-his-own-company-so-get-used-to-it-and-the-sex-and-control-that-comes-along-with-it. Seriously, gotta love Anastasia. Basically, in these books (especially book two and three), Christian let's out his adolescent side and Anastasia becomes a mature young woman.
I can imagine myself being so extremely shy just having sex the first time...wait a minute...I DID once was so shy (even after) for my first time. In fact, I was so shy, I mean what if I do something wrong?! And then as for money, well...shiiiiiiyyyyytttt. I would never want to take money from my bf nor fiance. Husband I can understand ;p. No, but still, I was shy at first to use my husband's money (mind you, I never took from him nor let him buy me anything when we were bf/gfs and fiances. He bought stuff on his own >_> and I still objected. Anywho, enough about me, back to the review...
To be honest, I highly recommend this triology. It's got a great storyline that won't disappoint, kinky sex you'd want to experience (;D), characters that you can click with, and I sure damn as hell look forward to the movie/s. Now I know the main characters have already been picked out, but I imagined them both much more in facial features (more handsome and more beautiful).
Keep in mind that this triology is not for kids under 18 (yes I said it). This series has a high description of sexual content/BDSM. Oh, and this is my first longest review ever ;). I loved the books THAT much.
All of my characters (even if they are evil, and yes some of my non-evil characters hate me for it) have a special place in my heart. Being their only special therapist, I love my job because of them!
I get "unexpected" visits from my characters who need someone to talk to, I end up being their Psychologist/Therapist - I mean who doesn't have problems or need someone to talk to every once in a while. The visits are so unexpected, my brain conjures up an office!
And earlier today, a sweet young man visited me in my head wanting to talk.
Dear ol' sweet Ronnie boy - Donnie's lover, for those of you who don't know. He is quite a fascination.
So we talked about how things are going for him. And honestly, he's too frustrated from his own mother, and the thing going on with Jessica - his supposedly arranged future bride.
And this happened BEFORE he even decided to go back to Donnie (short story that will be published soon!).
He scruffed his hair with his hands from his frustration, I had to watch his every move. I can feel the tension that was so built up inside of him.
"Tell me, Ronnie, how do u feel by your mom's actions?"
After his hair being a mess like a chicken left it's nesting, he chuckled, "Oh man. Where do I start H'deel?! She's too controlling, I can't handle it anymore. I can feel my rebellious side coming out now since I'm battling my emotions. I'm not saying I'm not a rebel. I am due to my appearance and music preference. But I'm talking about kind of a riot rebel."
"Okay, I'm guessing you don't want to listen to your mother anymore?"
"Nope! I'm about to be twenty years old, and my mom is still making decisions for me. But I won't allow her to, not anymore. I won't allow her to keep controlling me like this. I need to take a stand for myself now."
"I see. Looks like you've been growing," I smiled. I continued, "Have your feelings changed the slightest bit for Jessica at least?"
"Hell no!" Now his tension was rolling off. "I'm not saying it in a bad way. It's just I feel nothing for no other girl except Donnie. Now, I've had my fair share of girlfriends in the past, but it never stayed for too long. I've tried to keep my feelings away for Donnie, but I can't. I just couldn't..." he said sounding a bit desperate at the end.
"And why is that Ron? You know how broken Donnie is. You know how she lost her parents, and how she had to grow up under someone else's hands instead of her own blood. Why can't you see other girls? Why can't you see Jessica?"
His eyes suddenly began to water. "I don't care how broken she is, and I don't care about other girls. She CAN be happy. I care about her and always will as a best friend or more. Because Donnie is...love," he smiled. "She is. No matter how much she's broken inside, still, I can read her eyes that hold that feeling so intense that she is just the emotion itself: love.
"When I look into her eyes, they reveal to me, they show me a craving so strong, it's hard not to resist getting lost in the depths of them and getting closer to her like a shining star. She needs someone to hold her, to remind her that there is color in the world, and that it's okay to let go of what pains her, to allow herself to love. She's like a meteorite fallen not too far away from it's galaxy. This craving she's ignited in me is like an attraction of a moth to a dangerous, wicked flame. And I swear, just being around her feels like death surrounds her eminent beauty, and it's a feeling I've never felt before coming off of her after that bastard Marylin came into our lives, and I have extreme fear for her life everyday while being far away from her. Not mines'.
"If anyone were to fall for this girl, they'll surely be dead. And since I've fallen hard in love for my best friend, I may might as well already be."
O.O I became in awe at how much devotion he has for this girl. I love Donnie as the person she is. She may be somewhat weak, but she has strength inside of her, and I admire that in her. It's true what he says too. Even if she is so broken, still she's all the love in the world she can give and offer. No wonder Marylin has such a deep attraction to her, and wants her his forever.
"Look, H'deel, I will do whatever it takes to have Donnie mine, and only mine. And if it means surrendering my life for her, then fuck it, I'll do it in less than a heartbeat without thinking about it twice."
After feeling he let out some issues off his shoulders, the Session ended with him disappearing.
One of the things I hate that my characters have a fond of doing is leaving me hanging >_> . *Sigh*.
Everyone should know something about Donnie. When Donnie was created, she's this other deeper part of me that I didn't know existed. She's basically born from a piece of my heart, but the part of me that was innocent and pure and easy to be called love.
I'm not sure if I've written this before, or mentioned it, but I'd like for everyone to keep in mind that I write a lot of pain, sadness, and dark twisted stuff, and not always will it all be 'happy' and 'colorful', and not always will everyone like it. My past life wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, and because of the past, the way I saw things still stay with me till today. Yes, now that I am married I am happier than I've ever been in my whole entire existence, and I am moving on to better things, and growing as a person with my one and only! But just because I'm living on for the future, does not mean that the past isn't with me. No...It's STUCK with me in the deepest, darkest part of my soul. And if any of you do read my stuff you will realize it in my writing. Sometimes it can be pretty disturbing, and not many of you will have the stomach for it, and that's fine. Totally fine. But don't try and bash my writing (or anyone elses' for that matter) if it's not your style. If it's not your genre/theme, then move on to what makes you happier.
Do I have any regrets about my past? Most certainly NOT! In fact, I find my writing to be best when I'm in a deep mental state, and I find most best works written by 'sadistic' masochists, for example, Edgar Allen Poe (Who doesn't love POE?! xD).
I take my past as a great learned lesson (even when I didn't deserve the treatment) into forgiving those who have hurt me, and who will hurt me. Also, it's a way I portray in writing. And it's not just me, but it's every author out there. There's not one author who doesn't put at least one similar characteristic in one character in their books.
Most stories, you'll find they have happy endings, but there are some that will not, and there are depths of reasons as to why they don't.
Do I enjoy writing such stories? Call me crazy, or mental but definitely YES! And I love EVERY millisecond of it!
So this doesn't go just for me. It goes to every author out there that I know who'll agree with what I have to say, and feel like they're in a similar position <3.