Tuesday, September 23, 2014

First Buyer. Midnight Scars Series. You Ever Heard of Figment?

OMGEYERZ!!! I just got my first buyer on the 18th of this month buy my paperback novel! AHHHHHHH I'm esctatic!!!! xD. Call me crazy, but the feeling is way beyond what I expected.
Oh first buyer of Wicked Road, first buyer of my first published book how I salute you! (and no I've never been in the army lol. I just watch too many movies ;p). Thank you from the bottom of my heart :3. This means so much to me after waiting for a couple of months for one actual person to buy my novel in paperback after its been published. And it's someone I don't even know (I think lol. No one that I know has told me they bought it so far. Never mentioned it).
SO,
it gave me an idea.
For every first person that buys a novel - after it's been published of course - of mine being the first one, ONLY in paperback form, gets to have a nice set of free goodies based on my novel, and some of them signed...
How does that sound? :).
AND
that's not all...
If the first person (It doesn't have to be the first buyer. It could be the second, or the third, or fourth, etc...as long as you are the one who leaves a review first) leaves the first review for a certain book I publish before any one else, they will get a nice set of free goodies based on that novel signed as well...
How does THAT even sound? :D.
Sounds awesome, doesn't it? xD.
Basically TWO people will be getting a nice set of goodies from me for every first book bought and every first review placed from my work. So please, future buyers and future review writers, do not hesitate to email me in letting me know. Don't be shy. I am thankful and love being generous.
Now if only I knew who the first buyer was I'd send them a nice big package of goodies based on my novel sent by me.
IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON, AND YOU COME ACROSS THIS BLOG, PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH PROOF OF PICTURE AND RECEIPT WITH DATE INCLUDING YOUR NAME AND FULL ADDRESS TO MY GMAIL: hbatnij8393@gmail.com.
So it's kinda like a giveaway - a giveaway that's continuous ;).
Amazon Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Wicked-Road-Midnight-Series-Volume/dp/1492876704/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1411538910&sr=8-2&keywords=wicked+road+midnight+scars+series

****************************************************************

More Info on Midnight Scars Series:

Alrighty, I've been looking over all of my M.S Series, and turns out that the first book will be broken down into 3 parts alone (first part is already published). The second series tho, I'm not sure if I want to break it into 2. It is a bit shorter than the first, but when the time comes for it to be published I'll come to a decision. When I first started M.S, 2 books was the plan. But now...change of plans.
For now I'm looking at 4 series.

*********************************************************************

Figment: http://figment.com/

Along time ago the website that is now called figment used to be called inkpop (I made an account on there a long time ago when I was like 14 years old). And man was the website design along time ago catchy with pop neon colors, and dark background. Now though it's so bright :(. And kinda plain. 
Anyway, back to why I'm explaining this...
I have made a new account on there, and have already published a poem and a new short story on there. The short story is really short. And yes its a zombie short story x) that came to me in a nightmare. I've made an account on there in order for readers like you to read written stuff by me for free 0:). I hope you take the time to read both for they are very short. 
Here are the links: 
Dead Pool (Zombie short story): http://figment.com/books/844525-Dead-Pool
Shell Of Me (Short dark poem): http://figment.com/books/844855-Shell-Of-Me

Here's to good luck on my journey!
Thanks for stopping by and reading.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Being an Indie Author...

Being an indie author is NOT easy! It has its advantages, but also its disadvantages. Being such you really need to sacrifice so much, and put in a lot of hard work as well as time. Being Indie isn't simple as 1, 2, 3...We don't have agents. We don't have publishers. We don't have book cover makers. And we surely don't have editors. We have ourselves. And if we ever decide to have an agent and publisher, it still wouldn't be easy to look for one.

> Editing:
"Ok, I just finished writing/typing my book. Now to editing...":
Now I've struggled with editing after I've finished typing up my novel. Because I knew that when I read it over, it had too many faults and mistakes. My first published novel, Wicked Road, when I first wrote it, it definitely sucked. And this was like when I was only fifteen years old. But over the years, I've changed things around into making it a better read, more emotional. There is a scene in the book that has made me and others (who have read my book so far) cry, and no I'm not mentioning it on here ;p. That's why I've taken so long into publishing it on my own. I did find a reasonable local editor for a certain price in the past, but because of my writing structure, and English not being my only language, the editors couldn't work with my book. And that devastated me. Ok, I know I'm not 100% American (But born and raised in this land of the free! Lol), but that doesn't mean my grammar/language structure suck that bad. I mean there are Americans who are illiterate >_>. But they only pointed out because of me being from a different country. Disappointment? YES! MAJOR! So I was like fuck it. Gotta work with what I have, and that is to believe in myself.
After writing my first book ever (after reading Twilight, a story emerged into my head) by hand at thirteen years old (and no I don't think I'll ever publish it as a book since it's very similar to Twilight, but I do have it published on fanfic in the Twilight category: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9917710/1/The-Sacrifices-and-Dark-Nights-of-Rose) my editing sucked ass in it too! LOL. I've been rereading chapter by chapter, and any person could tell it was the writing of a young girl who lacked grammar. Honestly, I'd be too ashamed to have it published as to how it was, so I looked it over, and edited a few chapters so far. My grammar may not be the best, but each time that I write and read, I know the more better it gets. :). If I have trouble with the grammar, then I go to my indie author bff Kristi Worrell (Her blog: http://faellinangel.blogspot.com/?zx=85ba92b9b12c9ba9 ). We've been friends since 2011, and I remember that day very clearly on how we met. :). It was my decision to start pursuing my dream in becoming an author, and somehow faith decided for us to find each other, and ever since then we've been nothing but besties. She has helped me evolve into a better author. And truly without her help, I would still be learning on my own till today.

> Cover making:
"Whoo editing done. Now the perfect cover...":
Covers...what the hell do I know about making book covers....?! This step is the hardest for beginners in the industry. We have many choices on the internet in hiring a book cover maker, but for a price. Sometimes high, sometimes low. And honestly, I have found premade covers, but none of them give me that satisfying feeling of completeness. I ask for prices for making covers from scratch, and yet they tend to be a bit pricey, so I'm obviously whamed with it all. What choice am I left with if I can't afford for one to be made? I turn to help.
One cousin of mine, God thank his soul, has helped me with my cover. And it was perfect! The cover to Wicked Road has been around for a couple of years now, and can say I don't have any regrets in using it. Without him, I wouldn't have my book published by now. I am using Createspace in publishing my books, and they do have Cover Creator, but come on, who the hell would want to use covers from a website that publishes books?! Your better off making one on your own. I have asked for his help again a while back, but sadly he's too caught up in school and work, so who do I turn to now? Myself! Again lol. Right now I am making my own covers since I'm getting the hang of Corel Paintshop Pro x7 that I have downloaded as a free trial, and its very easy to use. They give you hints on how to use each tool. Where I get the photos from are from two websites: Bigstockphoto: http://www.bigstockphoto.com/ and dollarphotoclub: http://www.dollarphotoclub.com/. I have to say I'm pretty happy with the results of me making covers on my own. I mean, the covers are even pretty epic xD. And I did not know that cover making would be addicting LOL. So far I have already made a cover to Book Two and Three of Midnight Scars Series and a cover to my Zombie short story (All unpublished yet). I would show you a piece of work, but right now they're just rough drafts, so I think I'll wait till the final draft ;).

> Publishing and Marketing: 
"Now it's time to share my work to the World...":
Uhm...Yeah not so easy as you think. In order to get a social media, you really need to grow your circle in order to get noticed. I'm not THAT noticed because I don't have a huge circle. I have me and a couple of people that I know.  But yet I try in getting out there even if I don't have much experience in marketing. I gave away some copies to family members who want to read my book, and in order to do so, kindly, I chose to buy copies of my book from my pocket. I don't mind doing so, but it's also a sacrifice :/.

You see, all of this work I can do it on my own with a little help. Yes my life would be easier with a publisher, but it's not easy finding one. And even if I did find one, where's my agent?! I DON'T HAVE ONE! Because most publishing companies ask for an agent.

I have me as the author. I have me as the editor. I have me as the cover maker. I have me as the agent. I have me as the publisher. And I have me as the marketer. 
I have me as an Indie Author.

All of this, and I'm proud to how much I have learned and achieved so far. I thank all of those who have helped me get this far. 0:). 
Thanks for reading and go on and support Indie Authors x). 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Playlist to Wicked Road Midnight Scars Series Part 1.

When I'm writing, I love to have music playing in the background (I mean come on! What writer DOESN'T listen to music when writing. It's our motivation). And when I have music playing, somehow in someway, some songs just grasp a scene in a book or even a moment in reality. Now I don't know if it's coincidental, or just the song has to come for a scene I'm writing to set the mood. It's like my iPod is listening in to my thoughts or listening to the keys on my keyboard as I type away. Just has a mind of it's own to play a specific song...
Creeeeeeeeeeepppppyyyyyyy!
Right now I actually have music playing that plays random continuously - Flyleaf: Set Me On Fire - in the background as I write this (and I'm singing along, drinking coffee, and eating Newton Figs lol).
I like music that has meaning. From Rock to RnB (Preferably anything in the genre of rock). From local and indie to popular and famous. Sometimes tho, I'll be honest, I do like to listen to music with catchy tunes and bass such as hip-hop and techno. And it's not wrong to go a bit crazy sometimes such as dancing ;).

Alright, so not to bore you anymore with my rants, here's the playlist to the first book (MY book) of Wicked Road (Midnight Scars Series Part One):
1. Cinderella's Revenge - If Only Words Could Describe This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Px90UVU3nM
..."I'm not prepared
For being your heart's desire"...

2. Alice In Chains - Hung On A Hook: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWJdTkd4X3o
"Hung on a hook I'm a mirror
Cracked down the center I split you
Counting the clouds in a storm behind your eyes"...



3. Evans Blue - The Tease: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fPW0jI1Oug
..."So be my massacre, 
be my masochist,
be my tease,
cause you captivate me when you stand infront of me."

4. JamisonParker - Here's Everything I've Always Meant To Say: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiENBJ9AT9U

"Just be in love, 

and I'll kiss you like you've always wanted. 
Just close your eyes,
I'll still live as if I'm dying"...

5. Underoath - Too Bright To See. Too Loud To Hear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLeBJmZ-3Ms

"Good God if, 

your song leaves our lips,
if your work leaves our hands,
then we will be wanderers and vagabonds"...

6. Inhale Exhale - It's Myself Vs. Being A Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSoHaP6IfkI

"Dreams are gone,

Nightmares are here to stay"...

7. Escape The Fate - The Ransom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRVbf1um9LM

"Grab my heart,

Take this down
With your soul,
And bury it in the ground"...

8. Whitney Wiatt - Oh, The Places You'll Go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agyDz7iLSf4

"The night is getting darker still,

The pictures I have held inside have never seen the worlds like this,
Until you said,
Darling I'll take you tonight.
Your heart will be the only thing that's keeping me
Alive, alive..."

9. Senses Fail - Lost And Found: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbmNRHws6u8

"I can beg and I can plead.

But what I get is never what I need"...

*Extras:

1. Inhale Exhale (The Beginning of a Past theme song) - The Lost. The Sick. The Sacred: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcjX7WmJ89Y

"...Shattered hearts and bursting seams.
Life is full of expectations never to be met. 
Singing songs of thankfulness could never be enough..."

Keep in mind that these songs and lyrics are in no way MINE! All copyright and original soundtracks and lyrics belong to their owners. This is only intended for fun use! If you want their music, please go buy the original soundtracks! Lyrics came from azlyrics.com.

Now spoil yourself with a cookie ;).
Your welcome! 
(Picture not mine! Only intended for fun use. All copyright to owner).

Thanks for reading and stopping by!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Trusting sites that ship clothes/items from China (like dresslily, light in the box, tbdress, rosewholesale, etc)? (with PICTURES!)

Ever since getting married, I haven't had much transportation to go anywhere, especially since my husband was working too much, and I needed clothes. He couldn't give me a ride anywhere that was open when he came home late at night. So I started looking for some way to get clothes online, and came across some websites that sold clothes for a cheaper price than what they sold in stores.
Buying from sites online, such as dresslily, sammydress, dresslink, lightinthebox, ericdress, tbdress, aliexpress, and other sites similar to such, is indeed a bit questioning especially coming from somewhere far away such as China. So, when I buy from sites like dresslily, lightinthebox, tbdress, and other many sites similar, I look up what people say about them such as reviews and feedback. And usually it's mostly negative feedback. It's either somebody who has had bad experience, bad customer service, package lost, and other such negative things. So after reading the bad reviews I told myself what the heck. Just go for it, and see what happens. And I did.
I've never had any trouble. Never. Guess you could say I'm one of the many lucky ones.
What if those people who claim to have negative experience are people who give negative feedback all the time?
The customer service provided by these websites are indeed over my expectations. They provide the best customer service ever. Once you have any concerns about any items or shipping and handling, they respond to you on live chat rather very quickly. If you send a message, they respond to you the next day or two.
Some certain sites have limits with certain sizes though. Meaning, there are some sites that only have one size, and some sites have from a size small to a large. You rarely are able to find sites that have over a large. Also, keep in mind that when buying from such sites, you might want to get a larger size than your normal/regular size. So make sure the sizing measurements are correct, and a size larger before ordering/making your final decision.
"What you pay for is what you get!" Its a true quote in this life. The material of certain items, depending on how much they cost, is pretty cheap. But if you really take care of the clothes/items then you won't have much trouble. I'm the type to take care of my stuff and things, and they last me for a long, long time.
Also, some certain sites have different prices, but still carry the same item. So make sure to choose whatever pleases your pocket :). Some certain sites give free shipping too, but it takes forever to come to your destination. But not over a month.
Everyday there are sales going on on these websites. So keep that in mind. And they go for many days. And when you buy from certain websites, and have an account with them, they actually give you coupons so you can still save more money xD.
I've been buying clothes from some of these retailers for a year now, and continue to do so. The only thing I dislike about some certain sites is sometimes the shipping and handling costs way more than what you are buying. And way more than what you can afford.
If you buy clothes from these sites, and they are smaller than what your size is, I suggest you give the clothes away or sell them. Because if you try to ship it back and get a refund, you might end up paying more for what you paid for just for shipping.
I have an addiction to fashion ;p.
So without further ado, here are some things I have bought from some of these sites. Also, keep in mind, I am not affiliated whatsoever with any site. I am only a customer!
My dress sizes range from 8-10 which is around Medium. Sometimes I get a large which goes from 12-14 depending if a dress looks too small.
*TBDress: http://www.tbdress.com/
1) http://www.tbdress.com/product/Elegant-Halter-Thick-Dress-10179138.html (Summer).


Material is very stretchy, very thin, and tight. I like the scrunch that goes with this dress. Its a halter tie so you can lower or higher it as much as you'd like. When I wear this, I stretch it as far as I can to make me feel comfortable walking around, and not make me feel like its too short. Also while stretching it, I like to keep its texture. Preferably its more wearable for a club rather than an outing. But I wear this only at home in front of my husband. :). And he loves it. Shows him all my curves. ;). I got this for $8.79 back in the day. But now they raised it to $10.59. Sidenote: It's a free size, and they only have it in black.

2) http://www.tbdress.com/product/Carefree-Korean-Style-Slim-Long-Sleeve-Dress-10185125.html (Summer).
I actually liked this linked dress. I got it in a medium, but it didn't fit me through the arms. I have chunky arms. And was pretty frustrated about it. But the under part of the dress actually somewhat fit my chunky thighs. Remember, I got this in a medium which is an 8-10 dress size. So if you're a medium like me I suggest you get a large. And it seems like they have it in those sizes only now. At the time I bought this it was $6.79. Now its $9.09. So since it was small on my upper body part, I ended up giving it away to a good friend of mine that fit her perfectly. She's much more shorter than me, and way more skinnier - petite size when I look at her lol. Sidenote: only available in this color.

3) http://www.tbdress.com/product/New-Korean-Style-Slim-Long-Sleeve-Dress-10409884.html (Fall and Winter).

This is somewhat thick material made out of cotton, but tight. It'll show all your curves depending on what size you get. Its more suitable for fall and winter rather than the heat in the summer. The material stretches so that's a plus. It has a couple of buttons going on there for how high or low you'd like cleavage to show. I sometimes wear this when I'm going out. Mostly though I just wear it in the house. The dress is long sleeve, and the length of the dress reaches just right under my knees. I do prefer to wear long sleeve so I won't have trouble trying to match a short sleeve with a bolero or a short jacket to match it. And when I wear this, I like to raise the sleeves just below my elbows. When I got this, it was for $10.49 instead of the price right now which is $14.09. Sidenote: It is a free size, and only comes in this color.

* DressLily: http://www.dresslily.com/
1) http://www.dresslily.com/solid-color-leggings-product540041.html (Any time of the year).
This pu leather leggings were too tight on me once I've received it. I really wish they had it in different sizes since the design on it is pretty cool. And the material was pretty soft, but you can tell it was cheap. Beware though it only looks like that from the front. From the back it's made out of legging material. It stretches alright, but it's not suitable for women/girls with big thighs, and a big butt. It barely went past my thighs when I tried this on. And when I tried to stretch it from my legs under my knees it was too, too tight. Back in the day, I bought this for $6.77. Now it's $18.56. :/. Prices are so high lately, I wonder why. Since it didn't fit I gave it away to one cousin of mine. Sidenote: only comes in this color, and its one size.

2) http://www.dresslily.com/solid-color-dress-product549473.html (Spring/Summer/Fall).
 With belt (belt not included with dress when buying from website).
Without belt.
I LOVE this dress. It's black and simple, and fits no matter what size you are. They have different sizes, and I got this in a medium. Its a strap dress, and has tying straps from the back to tighten it as much as you want from the breast area. You want it loose, then keep it loose ;). I prefer to give figure though. You can match it with a belt to give it a little extra, but I prefer keeping it's flow. I used to wear this on occasions (writing in past tense means I ended up losing it while flying back to America from overseas with a whole other stuff in one big luggage. Since it's gone now, I have reordered it again from another site). And my husband loves it on me. When I go out I like to wear tights underneath it, and a bolero on top. When I first got it though it looked more like a night gown than a dress lol. When I bought this I got it for $16.77, and right now it's $18.85. Sidenote: Only available in this color.

3) http://www.dresslily.com/stilettlo-heel-and-zipper-design-sandals-for-women-product367171.html (Spring/Summer/Formal/Fall).


I wore these stilettos at a wedding overseas with a matching dress. They were comfortable for a couple of hours, but, me, in my own opinion, I had to take them off to dance properly ;). I'm not much of a dancer in heels lol. But these are cute. The design really makes your feet stand out when wearing an outfit. My feet size are between 7.5 and 8 in American, so I got them in a 39 (8). When it comes to the shoes, you can get them in the proper right size of your foot instead of getting a larger one. I got these for $13.70. Now they're raised for $24.14. Sidenote: Only available in this color, but varies different sizes (make sure to check the sizing chart they have on their website beside the size of the product).

4) http://www.dresslily.com/casual-and-stylish-style-buckle-and-studs-embellished-high-heeled-boots-for-female-product46707.html (Fall/Winter/Depending on night/mood)


These are GORGEOUS! I love these. They're stylish and very comfortable. I've got many compliments on them, and people have asked me where I've gotten them from. These are more suitable for a chic/rock-ish look. I like to match these with skinnies, dresses, and skirts. These were actually a bit pricey when they were on sale for $22.83. And thank the lord I got them at that price. Now they're up at $36.90. I wouldn't have gotten these if that was the price in the beginning (You really got to love sales!). I also got these in a 39. Sidenote: Only available in this color.

5) http://www.dresslily.com/flower-pocket-watch-alloy-necklace-product468564.html (Anytime of the year!).
I love this necklace/clock watch. It has that retro/vintage feel to it. And it's not short. But comes with a long cord. Not sure what the measurements are, but it's long. In fact, I'm wearing it in the picture below:
I had this necklace. But lost it along with the dress in the picture from my flight overseas. This locket does open, and inside there's a watch, so it comes in handy ^_^. I got it for $5.57. Now its down to $4.67. Lucky you guys get it cheaper! lol. I will be reordering this necklace in the near future of course.

*EricDress: http://www.ericdress.com/
1) http://www.ericdress.com/product/Well-Made-Deep-V-Neck-Stripe-Print-Lace-Up-Halter-Maxi-Dress-10925300.html (Spring/Summer).
This dress is beautiful! I love it! It's a halter (you tie it around your neck and adjust how low or high you want it), and very, very stretchy material. If you're between S-L, I suggest you get this in that size M they have available. I'm between those sizes, but for not being sure, I got it in an XXL which turned out as you can see it. Too long, and it can get wider. They only have this in Medium size, and XXL as I searched for proper sizes on other websites, and they all turned out the same (the prices were even higher, and this was the cheapest). Turns out that those two sizes fits all of us, because of the stretch. The bright blue and purple actually pop out :). I got this for $19.49. And right now it's still the same price. With shipping, I got this in total for $23.70. Worth every buck!

*AliExpress: http://www.aliexpress.com/
1) http://www.aliexpress.com/snapshot/6065962706.html (Formal/Special Occasions).
I  let my husband pick this dress out for a wedding I was attending overseas for a close cousin of mine. I had too many options on this website, so I made him pick, and this one caught his eye as well as mines. It has the satiny feel, and leopard design. Here I am wearing it:
 YES IT WAS TOO LONG! Even as I wore heels it was still too long. I did get it shortened, and resized since it was very wide mostly by my breast area. I got this in a size 12, and it was why I had to resize from my sides since it was from China (I lost some weight too while being overseas). But beware, even if you get it for a 12 (and you wear a size 8-10), the skirt of the dress will be tight, and when you sit down it will hike up. And show your panties! Yup! I wore tights under these, and as you can see a bolero. I didn't feel all that comfortable not wearing tights at all, because I had a feeling what will happen. Plus the skirt is too short (thank the lord for my back up plans). It is a one shoulder strap. Aside from it's couple of mistakes, the dress is lovely. I bought this for $51.60! Yup that price. When you look at it it looks more pricier. And I chose free shipping (on this website they have a lot of awesome cool stuff worth free shipping! The website also offers you to buy from them in quantities, and sell them worldwide, and they sell in bulks for a cheap price!). Sadly, even as I bought this dress, and wore it for a special occasion, it didn't come back with me. But got lost in the luggage while coming back to America :(. Sidenote: Wish they had it in purple or black, but they only have blue available. 
Anyhow, here's two pretty pictures of me at my cousin's wedding ;p ^_^:

And another two pictures to brighten your day: Meet Muse :3 (a month ago lol).



Right now I do have a package coming in from DressLink (http://www.dresslink.com/). It should be here in a couple of days (it's almost been a month). :).

These (and more) websites are adding new things everyday so make sure to stay up to date with them (sign up for their newsletter to get coupons and discounts or simply make an account for free), and enjoy your shopping experience. Because I always enjoy my shopping :3.

Thanks for reading!


Cancer is NOT a rare disease...

We've all had that someone that we've lost to cancer, and those who survived it...
I've lost someone very dear to me from cancer. And that person was my mom.
I've lived with my mom when I was a young girl - from birth to eleven years old. And when my siblings and I were living with her we didn't have the perfect life. So then, my father came to visit in the summer of '05, and took us away from the life we were living in. And ever since then we've been in the land of America. Right now it is the year of '14 about to be '15. And I am twenty-one years old.
The first and last time we've seen her after five years of not seeing her, and not visiting was the year of '11. I just turned eighteen in May that summer. That was the year that changed everything in my life, and made me view it in a different way. We didn't know she was sick until we visited. No one told us. Not even her family.
That time of the year we only were visiting in the summer, and spent some time with her for a week or so or a couple of days. The moment I've seen my mother for the first time after five years shattered my heart, and broke my eyes into tears. I didn't expect it, nor did I see it coming (not even my siblings). Every time I looked at her I was constantly crying. I'll never forget how she looked like. She wasn't the same healthy woman she used to be. She was sick. So sick. I've never seen her like that before. All her hair was gone from the chemotherapy; she covered it in a beanie. Her body so skinny none of the clothes she wore fit her anymore; she was basically all skin and bones from all the medication they kept giving her. Her eyes so enlarged, and popped out of their sockets from how much she lacked in eating. She barely could move, and always stayed in bed. She always had to have a bladder bag, because she couldn't go to the bathroom and pee, and she was always bleeding she needed to change constantly. My mom had ovarian cancer.
The problem here with this about her being dead is I'll never get to experience a mother and daughter type of bonding. I've always been around my father ever since birth too. And I was more attached to him - you could say I was more of a daddy's girl. But I've always dreamed that when I grow older to understand more things in life I wanted to share that bond with my mother. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what it feels like to have that motherly love. She'll never see what her kids have accomplished in their lives, and she'll never see her grandchildren grow. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE A MOTHER - DAUGHTERS AND SONS - APPRECIATE IT!
After everything my mom has done to us when we were younger, I still forgive her till today. Acts of forgiveness are acts of pure kindness, and moving on in life by letting go of the past.
When I became a teenager, I was growing and learning more and more each day. But with the constant months, I was suicidal. Yes, ever since I was thirteen years of age when my father got remarried - this was in the year of '06. The year that we visited our mother - '11 -  I've changed after seeing what she was going through. I told myself, "Suicide isn't worth it." From that moment on I've changed, and till today I still am.
To tell you the truth, I didn't think she'd let go so soon when we'd just had visited her that summer. She died in August of '11 when we came back to America after visiting for the summer. She saw us the first time after five years, and suddenly she let go. Why, I'll never know. I'll never know why she didn't fight for us. I'll never know why she couldn't see a brighter future. My mother was weak. But had a very kind heart. Sometimes I ask myself "Why did she have to die all of a sudden after seeing us?". The answer...?
Because she was hanging on every last will, every last part of her soul to see us one more time before leaving, and she knew her time was growing short. God gave us a chance to see her that summer knowing she was going to be gone so soon, making the final decision that it was time for her to go, and leave us.
Writing this is making my tears fall since it's reopening old wounds. I didn't change how I was until Dec '11 where I made a decision to finally change for her. I am on an adventure in life right now for her, doing it for her, doing something she wasn't able to. I'm living it!
Apparently, I didn't take pictures of my mother when she was sick. And I only have pictures of her when we were young, my siblings and I. We had so many photo albums, but when we moved back to America, we have no idea where they went since we had left them overseas, but these are some of the pictures we have:
 My mom with the long curls. My baby self with the crazy, afro looking hair, and my baby sister. :).
 My mom. To her left, me. Middle, my brother. Right, my sister.
My mom. Me wearing shorts, my sister with her hand in her mouth lol.

Right now, my dearest friend is in need of saving her own mom who just found out she has colon cancer in the moment. And is doing her best to provide the best support she can give to her. But my best friend is NOT financially stable. And needs our help. 
Read the story here: 
You can either donate or share, or do both. Either way, anything works! 
There's also an auction going on on Facebook here:
You can bid on items! Share the page as well! 
And you know what? It all only takes a moment from your time.
I'd hate it for her to see, and go through what I went through while trying to support my mother. My mother didn't get all the help she needed. We didn't get a chance to save her. But my bff's mother does have a chance if we DO SOMETHING! If we show the world, and to this family that miracles can happen by helping others, then we are not a hopeless race!
Also, the thing here is is it can happen to ANY ONE you love, and know. It can even happen to you. Hell, it can happen to me!
My mother had goals in life in becoming a pharmacist, and many more. And yet she never even got a chance to finish University due to being ill. I'd hate to see another life, that we can save who has many goals and is surrounded by loved ones, cut short.
The world doesn't do the change on its own. WE DO the change for the World! WE ARE the change for the World!  
So let's DO SOMETHING!!!!!

Thanks for reading and supporting. 



The Butterfly Series

How's everyone doing today? Y'all doin' alright? I hope so!! Great news!! I've just uploaded my Twilight Fanfiction on Wattp...