I've lost someone very dear to me from cancer. And that person was my mom.
I've lived with my mom when I was a young girl - from birth to eleven years old. And when my siblings and I were living with her we didn't have the perfect life. So then, my father came to visit in the summer of '05, and took us away from the life we were living in. And ever since then we've been in the land of America. Right now it is the year of '14 about to be '15. And I am twenty-one years old.
The first and last time we've seen her after five years of not seeing her, and not visiting was the year of '11. I just turned eighteen in May that summer. That was the year that changed everything in my life, and made me view it in a different way. We didn't know she was sick until we visited. No one told us. Not even her family.
That time of the year we only were visiting in the summer, and spent some time with her for a week or so or a couple of days. The moment I've seen my mother for the first time after five years shattered my heart, and broke my eyes into tears. I didn't expect it, nor did I see it coming (not even my siblings). Every time I looked at her I was constantly crying. I'll never forget how she looked like. She wasn't the same healthy woman she used to be. She was sick. So sick. I've never seen her like that before. All her hair was gone from the chemotherapy; she covered it in a beanie. Her body so skinny none of the clothes she wore fit her anymore; she was basically all skin and bones from all the medication they kept giving her. Her eyes so enlarged, and popped out of their sockets from how much she lacked in eating. She barely could move, and always stayed in bed. She always had to have a bladder bag, because she couldn't go to the bathroom and pee, and she was always bleeding she needed to change constantly. My mom had ovarian cancer.
The problem here with this about her being dead is I'll never get to experience a mother and daughter type of bonding. I've always been around my father ever since birth too. And I was more attached to him - you could say I was more of a daddy's girl. But I've always dreamed that when I grow older to understand more things in life I wanted to share that bond with my mother. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what it feels like to have that motherly love. She'll never see what her kids have accomplished in their lives, and she'll never see her grandchildren grow. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE A MOTHER - DAUGHTERS AND SONS - APPRECIATE IT!
After everything my mom has done to us when we were younger, I still forgive her till today. Acts of forgiveness are acts of pure kindness, and moving on in life by letting go of the past.
When I became a teenager, I was growing and learning more and more each day. But with the constant months, I was suicidal. Yes, ever since I was thirteen years of age when my father got remarried - this was in the year of '06. The year that we visited our mother - '11 - I've changed after seeing what she was going through. I told myself, "Suicide isn't worth it." From that moment on I've changed, and till today I still am.
To tell you the truth, I didn't think she'd let go so soon when we'd just had visited her that summer. She died in August of '11 when we came back to America after visiting for the summer. She saw us the first time after five years, and suddenly she let go. Why, I'll never know. I'll never know why she didn't fight for us. I'll never know why she couldn't see a brighter future. My mother was weak. But had a very kind heart. Sometimes I ask myself "Why did she have to die all of a sudden after seeing us?". The answer...?
Because she was hanging on every last will, every last part of her soul to see us one more time before leaving, and she knew her time was growing short. God gave us a chance to see her that summer knowing she was going to be gone so soon, making the final decision that it was time for her to go, and leave us.
Writing this is making my tears fall since it's reopening old wounds. I didn't change how I was until Dec '11 where I made a decision to finally change for her. I am on an adventure in life right now for her, doing it for her, doing something she wasn't able to. I'm living it!
Apparently, I didn't take pictures of my mother when she was sick. And I only have pictures of her when we were young, my siblings and I. We had so many photo albums, but when we moved back to America, we have no idea where they went since we had left them overseas, but these are some of the pictures we have:
Also, the thing here is is it can happen to ANY ONE you love, and know. It can even happen to you. Hell, it can happen to me!