Saturday, August 13, 2016

Strength of a Woman

Hey Blog! I'm back. So much turbulences in these past few months...I'm just glad the worst is behind and in the past, and am in a better situation right now.
Men think women are weak beings, because of all the housework we do, how we study for our degrees, how we work, and make our own money. I mean most people don't think we can handle situations that are bigger than us, especially when we lose everything all at once. I didn't even see it coming myself where I had to put my big girl panties on...
I'm not going to go into all the specific details of what happened in my life. I'd like to keep that part private since I might have too many family members stalk my blog. Anywho...
By the time I had quit my full time job I had gone back to school for the fall semester. So I had to depend on my husband financially. Of course, I didn't go back till I had his full agreement to financially support me, and he agreed. Well, courses changed pretty quick. Before school even started we began to argue over finance. It was hell!! Also, I had a friend from my old school come over from overseas (I had my dad and brother living with my ex-husband and I, so we were pretty much a full house at that time), and I've helped her out till he kicked her out. She depended on me, and he made me kick her out two months later. He even treated her like she was his second wife -_- (that pissed me off beyond end!). I wasn't mad at her. I was mad at him. He had no right to know where she went or who she went out with. And he used to get mad when she'd come home late (and yes she used to work night shifts). Awkward? Yes! Let me remind you, my ex-husband was a full blood Mexican (not that I have anything against Mexicans. I have a couple of Mexican friends who I'm good with).
Since he used to play a lot of PS3 and PS4 (yes, he had two PS systems) he stopped giving me complete attention. So my friend and I would go out, and he'd get mad every time I hung out with her. Sometimes I felt him even get jealous. I would ask him for a couple of bucks to fill the car with some gas, and buy some coffee, and he'd straight up say no. Does it look like I'm fucking thirteen years old for you to even say no you cheap asshole? He was fucking cheap, he'd avoid all my birthdays, all the anniversaries just to not buy me anything while I spent all my part-time and full time of hard work on his ass. At this point, the marriage became pretty cold fast. Even the sex turned into a thing of fucking only. I was pretty hurt by everything, and became fed up with everything that had to do with him. Even after my friend left, our marriage got cold before she even came.
I didn't buy him anything for his last birthday that I spent with him. My brother bought him a new
PS4 tho, Destiny Edition. My brother is an idiot for even getting him something he didn't deserve. And when he found out I wasn't going to buy him anything the first time ever since we've been together he actually got upset, and pissed at me. When he got the present my brother bought him he actually had the nerve to rub it in my face...Dude, you're not ten to be wimping over presents...Get a grip!
So, two months and a half of depending on him, I couldn't handle it anymore. I went and found a part-time job to just fill my gas for college and food to feed myself once I got out between classes since he used to bitch at me all the time. And the fact that he's greedy AND cheap at the same time? LOL! Some men really do show their colors way later on. Or maybe he did earlier, but I was the one too blind to see it in the beginning since I used to love him...
A lot of time had gone by by then. I couldn't keep up with my studies and the job since I was taking four classes at one time. So I had to quit, and began to ask my father for cash to get me going. My father never refused to give me, but he did get very upset at the fact that his ex son-in-law won't give his ex-wife any cash for the day. And I don't even ask for much. $10 And I'm happy with it.
Divorce got brought up many times by then. The last night tho that I spent at where I was secure was the last night ever. And that's when I had to grow the fuck up, and become independent, and not depend on anyone for anything. Not even family helped me. I was on my own after getting kicked out (not going into details there), and then walking away. But just think of how your pride felt thrown out the window as a married woman. You had everything, then you lost everything.
The only thing I had was myself. The only person I could truly trust was myself, and what I had. Now just because I'm a woman, and somehow had something to offer, that wasn't the way I planned on going. My pride as a woman, and confidence might've been shattered, but that is one way I won't degrade myself down to. I had a couple of friends help me out, I mean literally help me out without offering them anything in return except respect and friendship. And that I did, even though I had lost all faith in humanity. I didn't give up hope. And thankfully, I'm still grateful till this day for the help of my friend who I had helped out before. She's seen how troubled I was, felt my pain, felt my loss, and she stood by me as I stood by hers.
That wasn't even the end of it. He wanted my ass back so bad, and there were times where I wanted to just give up, and go back, but with the help of my friends, and the distraction of time they gave me was enough for me to not settle back into the hell I was living in.
It's kinda funny how you know in the end during certain situations who your real family is. I mean literally no one from my real blood family had helped out. They just wanted to know what happened in my life. And that's about it. Even my past friends wanted to know (most of them). They wanted to know my business. Once I was on my feet I wasn't stupid enough like how I used to be to even give them any idea of how happy I was, how glad I was that that piece of shit had kicked me out. Even if I was going through a lot, I was living life, and enjoying every minute of it even till now :). Funny how I used to talk a lot of shit about my own people, but really, they became my friends, although most importantly they became my family.
Right now, how could I NOT be happy to be married to one of my best friends?! Spoils me like crazy, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. He brought my pride back, and made me confident. Even though I am independent, he still teaches me how to be more independent to not depend on him for anything. He's raising me up to the skies rather than pushing me down below him. Is he middle eastern? Totally! Heart as white as an angel's feather? Most fucking definitely! I mean, damn he gives me unannounced massages, and he even colored my toe nails white out of nowhere!! <3. He surprised me with a box of mangoes just the other day. If I'm mad, he will not get mad, but talk to me so calmly as the quiet ocean. I can keep going with the many differences between him and my ex. My ex is not up to his potential, except that that asshole is lower than my husband now on how he treated me. Of course, surprises isn't everything. It's the way he treats me, not just as a wife, but as an actual grown woman. He never gets mad if he comes home to no cooked meal. He'll cook something himself for him and I. And if he sees I'm in need financially, which is rarely, then he'll slip a couple of twenties ;).
Anywho, I don't think it should matter, but, for example, a $1000 ring is a big difference between a $100 ring. Woman, you gotta know your worth through a ring. If a man cheaps out on you, he won't see you worth a diamond.
I lost everything, but then I regained back some and more. And can't be any happier with what I have now.
I don't believe in more than one marriage, but due to the tough circumstances I had been in before, a second marriage would deserve a second chance.
And always remember this ladies: if you're going to get settled down with a guy, make sure to check that his respect for you comes before love. Without respect the marriage will fall apart quicker than you think. Love doesn't solve everything. Respect does.

New me 2016 <3.

The Butterfly Series

How's everyone doing today? Y'all doin' alright? I hope so!! Great news!! I've just uploaded my Twilight Fanfiction on Wattp...